Summer food fun and drink - time to butt out this theme · Monday September 8, 2008 by colin newell
It is a beautiful summer night in our concrete and steel tower overlooking the miserable neighborhood of Rockland… Million dollar houses. Rich folks with their noses in the air.
And now I know why.
They are trying to breathe.
On this perfect night, Andrea and I open the windows to let in a softening breeze. The mid-September evening is rich with a delicate sea breeze and the aroma of summer drawing to a close.
But wait, there is more. The slow moving zephyr brings in the noxious assault of a neighbor puffing away on her balcony.
She has a new baby and she is crashing with her folks. Naturally, we would not want her exposing her bambino to the effects of second hand Butt smoke.
So let’s expose the neighbors instead. What we could find out!
Oops. Digression.
The way I see it: If someone does not give a rodents ass what they press and suck into their mouthes, they sure as heck are not going to spend much time worrying about my lungs.
Oh well. I need to be more patient. She has a new baby. No father. And no one is going to be kissing her anytime soon.
It sucks.
So please don’t exhale.
Summer fun food and drink - Breastfeeding in the upside down Universe · Thursday August 7, 2008 by colin newell
If you watch as much TV as I do (and it isn’t really that much…), what do you see?
Murder, mayhem, carnage, chaos, sadness, hunger, and death…
And that’s just what’s on Food TV’s popular, Chef Ramsay.
Tune around ABC, NBC, CBS or Fox… and CNN and you are assured of seeing a never ending body-count; kidnapping, gun shot fatalities, homicide, serial killers… all in mind boggling detail.
And yet when a woman feeds her baby, in public no less, the reaction from the surrounding public can vary from casual indifference to self-righteous indignation and utter contempt.
I mean, I would understand someone reacting with unbridled horror and revulsion if I pulled a Canada goose out of a giant paper bag and slit its throat with a K-Bar knife, tossing it onto a Hibachi on a busy street corner and serving it up with a tossed salad. That I would understand. A Canada goose, after all, is a sacred creature.
Breastfeeding, next to stopping at Starbuck’s for a double-tall decaf latte, is one of natures original methods of infant nourishment. So what is the big deal? Sure, breasts are sexualized on women – so what? It takes a deeply disturbed psyche to be perturbed by a new mom and her un-weaned young’in taking in a few dozen sips of Planet Earth’s first beverage.
So. It is with no surprise to me whatsoever that protests are popping up (or out) all over the place – At the H&M Store in Vancouver for example, where a young Mom was hustled into the back of the store by a brace of apoplectic staffers – shortly thereafter a coven of lactating mom’s showed up for a protest or circle squirt of sorts. God bless ‘em!
And Hey – Having worked at a University for over 20 years seeing virtually every square inch of male or female flesh exposed (especially this time of year…) all I can say (or feel) now when I see a mom and baby feeding is: “There is a happy baby and at least it isn’t crying…”
Maybe these weird folk suffering from breast aversion need to spend some flying from here to there on a jumbo jet filled with implacable babies screaming their heads off – if only to appreciate the simple joy, simplicity and honesty of that one moment – One mom, one breast, one baby… in perfect harmony and silence.
Summer fun food and drink - Pemberton Music Festival afterglow · Monday July 28, 2008 by colin newell
How is (was) the day after Pemberton Music Festival like Beijing (a mere 2 weeks before the Olympics)?
Answer: Pollution. Garbage. Clutter. Rubbish. Discards.
There are a handful of things that really get my goat… and one of them are the people that get all Enviro on the World, all Hippied out in their split-window VW’s (one of the most polluting vehicles on the planet) along with virtually anything else made by Volkswagen… girls who eschew shaving their armpits and dudes who eschew personal hygiene for a weekend… who espouse Groovy, Peace and Love all over the place…
And then litter the f*cking crap out of our pristine countryside.
What is wrong with you people?
A news clip showed the absolutely astounding detritus, flotsam and jetsam; $300 dollar tents used once. Camp stoves, still warm. Coffee percolators, still warm. Clothing. Sleeping bags. Un-opened bags of food. Discarded without a thought.
Begs the question: What is wrong with you people?
I am no saint, but these huge music festivals are quite literally the last places I would want to be on Earth – and one of the reasons has been illustrated above.
Yea. If I want to hang out with pigs, I will go to the farm for an afternoon…
And pick up after myself.
So. You do the same please.
Peace out.
Comment [6]
Summer fun food and drink - Let`s name the babies - that would be fun · Saturday July 26, 2008 by colin newell
A family court judge in New Zealand has had enough with parents giving their children bizarre names and did something about it.
Ok. Let’s get into it shall we.
I am, for all intents and purposes the product of the seventies. And for those of you, just joining us (quite literally… in the last twenty years or so…) let me just explain what I mean.
I think my mother and father are two of the World’s oldest hippies. And I dig that. I really do. They had the good sense to name me Colin… at a time when the name Colin was totally cool. And I am still good with that name. Like, totally.
But what the heck is with parents who have 3 sons and they name them Caelin, Coban and Calum? Hello. The last time I checked, there were more than one or two letters in the alphabet. And what is with this Celtic name shit anyway? My great grandparents, I think, were from Cork, Ireland – my folks and their folks grew up in Eastern Canada so I think I earned the right to have a cool Irish name… So go ahead, challenge my logic. I dare you.
Anyway. Anyone, I mean any two parents… so fuzzy brained to have 3 boys and give them all imaginary pseudo-Celtic names (starting with the letter C no less) need to have my Tony Lama encased leather boot firmly up their ass. Grr. Are we having summer fun yet?
Back to the lead story. People that name their children Sun Flower or God is my Judge (actual name from the seventies…) need to get off the Ganja and get with the program. Thankfully when most of us become adults, we can legally change our names to something that we really like – sadly, when we are kids (and we are generally merciless to each other between the ages of 4 to 16…) the damage is generally done.
So. I am Colin. And I am pretty well balanced. And I have never spent more than a few hundred dollars on therapy (in the 80’s… I mean who wasn’t!?) Who knows what that bill would have been if I had been named Amber Rose Tamara, Saffron Sahara or Tallulah Pine (Simon Le Bon spawn…), Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom and Pixie (Poli-Eco-Idiot Bob Geldof) and the all time worse picks – Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan, Moon Unit and Diva Muffin from music loon Frank Zappa.
Thanks Mom. Thanks Dad. You freaking old hippies rock! Thank-you!
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Summer fun food and drink - Doctor Horrible online now · Sunday July 20, 2008 by colin newell
It is not often that I suggest doing something (to my readers) with a strict time-line.
Like, right now. Do it now. Not tomorrow. But now.
Especially when that something is going to make you smile. Broadly. You might even laugh. I promise you that you might laugh. And see something in this… within yourself. Which might make you feel kind of warm and tingly.
To quote activist, comedian, writer and friend Bob Harris – “If you do not enjoy watching this, then there is nothing inside you worth saving!”
Took the words right out of my… well, maybe not.
The Doctor Horrible Sing Along Blog. Go there now.
There are three acts. Watch one. Then Two. And finally three.
You will be glad you did.
And when you do, come back here. And e-mail me and let me know how it went. A simple thank-you will do.
But don`t hold back. Anything is good.
