Winter all fun, food and frolic - rabbits on the rampage - UVic · Saturday March 13, 2010 by colin newell
There are two kinds of creatures that live and work at the University of Victoria; invertebrates (that run the place…) and rabbits (in the family Leporidae of the order Lagomorpha…) that have the run of the place.
The most recent body count indicated that there are over 1000 rabbits on campus – and none of them have any intention of graduating.
Because in the world of the rabbit, there are only three states:
Thinking of humping.
Humping.
And smoking a cigarette afterward.
Yes, they poop. A lot.
And dig holes.
And destroy stuff.
But it’s a harmless crime folks – because there is little, if any, intelligent life at UVic… at least from what I have seen in my 20+ years working there.
I am, of course, discounting the hard working staff (Union and professional) and the tens of thousands of hard working students self-improving to make a better World.
I am talking about the decision makers – you know, the Vee-Pee’s and executives that run the joint… whose motto is: “If it ain’t broken… break it!”
Who are generally so wishy-washy about, well, everything that they could not run a 15 cent lemonade stand without running it into the ground worrying about the actuarial implications of running a lemonade stand.
I mean, listen up… On a weekly basis I see young families bring their crawling age toddlers onto campus for the specific purpose of crawling around on feces covered green to play with the rabbits. Hello: Risk of disease. Risk of rabbit bite = 2 days of treatment in the local hospital, blah blah blah.
I give up. Maybe this is just natural selection at work.
Bottom line: The administration at UVic is utterly incapable of coming to a decision on the issue of the rabbit copulation explosion. They can’t do it. They are not built for it.
In the meantime, the rabbits screw and reproduce, dig and crap everywhere placing staff, students and toddlers at risk.
I spoke with a lovely and elderly Scottish lady with a support dog at the Finnerty Express last week… and in her intriguing Edinburgh beam me up Scotty brogue said… “All we need are a dozen Jack Russell terriers… Aye? Problem solved!”
I felt like offering her an executive VP job.
In the meantime, watch your step.
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Winter all food, fun and drink - Ending the twitter fun house... · Friday March 12, 2010 by colin newell
Happy Friday everyone and welcome back to our regularly scheduled programming.
Sorry to have been absent for so long – dealing with that nasty Twitter addiction – and after a brief session in neediness and attention deficit rehab, I am back to make a statement.
Which is.
Stay out of deep emotional ponds… especially if you are not equipped with an suitable mind flotation device.
Because oh so many of those… please follow me and please re-tweet my every thought can drain a man’s ability to function properly in the real World.
Twitter is, for me, like a reform school or a very dysfunctional family…
and, as a social application, it should make us better not worse…
More stable… less unstable.
Better people… less like monkeys… less like the class clown.
More inclusive, engaging and interested in the social condition.
And keep in mind: I am people. And I am a monkey. And a clown.
So… Let’s get back to it shall we?
Eager to get back to the drivel you all have been so fond of.
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Winter Fun Food and Adventure Victoria - know your pets · Monday February 22, 2010 by colin newell
Fuji digital cameras have introduced the FinePix F80EXR 12 Megapixel camera…
With pet recognition…
Seriously.
For those times when you are sitting in the cabin with your loved one and your equivalent of mans best friend.
And you turn to your significant other and say…
“Honey, does that look like our dog snuffles to you?”
“Gee. Honey. I am not sure…”
“Lemme grab the Fuji FinePix F80EXR!”
The F80EXR features Pet Detection which detects the faces of up to 10 dogs or cats and automatically focuses on them.
Seeing that this process is notoriously difficult (to capture an expressive portrait of an active animal with a compact camera) why leave it up to your eyes!
Pet Detection allows the camera to shoot automatically as soon as it detects your pet’s face in the frame. The FinePix F80EXR also allows you to search for pictures of cats or dogs in playback mode.
Good thing.
Because I have never trusted my cat.
Winter all food, fun and drink marathon begins - Olympics full swing · Saturday February 20, 2010 by colin newell
Just in case someone thinks that I am rolled up in the corner like a cobra or glowering like a vulture as the Canadian sports Olympiad rolls out in all its glorious redness…
I can honestly say that I am enjoying the sports and athletes in colorful HD.
Nothing like the detail in pairs skating. Or the ‘nothing to the imagination’ of sliding events like luge , skeleton , and bobsled .
Don’t get me wrong. Like our participation in Afghanistan. I question the mission but I support the troops without a hiccup.
The Olympics is a 2 week plus party – and Vancouver – Whistler residents and visitors appear to be enjoying themselves. Awesome. Right there with you.
The protesters are well behaved, peaceful, getting their message across – and the lug nut Black Bloc are keeping out of the way, utterly discredited as the bone-headed thugs they are.
When it is all over, you will probably not hear another negative word about the subject – it’s done like dinner. Time to move on. Back to actual real life stuff.
So. Thanks for your patience loyal reader Jeanie. You have the patience of a…
well. You fill in the blanks.
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Two strikes into a red flag moment - troubles with twitter · Sunday February 7, 2010 by colin newell
The problem with words is… like baseballs and rocks, they almost always travel further than you expect.
One of the saddest moments of my life was when I was 4 or 5 and while playing in the front yard… I picked up a suitably sized pebble and hurled it…
…bouncing it off my mother’s forehead.
And protest in pain she did. I felt like a bag of crap.
That was in the sixties.
Now in her 80’s she seems fine. Fingers crossed.
She’s okay. But what about me?
I seem to be still throwing rocks. Which means I have a bit of a bullying streak.
Don’t like it much.
While mucking with Twitter the last few days, I made 2 discoveries.
1.) When you want to bug someone about something (particularly on Twitter – or any other media for that matter) – you can do it quite effectively when you know you have their attention… and
2.) No matter who is out there, great and small… everyone can be tuned into your comments… even if you are directing them to William Shatner or someone else.
And no, I did not bully Bill.
What I did do was make some comments, in a very weak form of jest, against one of my favorite radio personalities. And he called me on it. Sent me a message.
And that rock on my mom’s head came back in crystal clear memory.
My dear wife, whom I love more than life itself, advised…
“For the love of Pete, leave celebrity name deleted alone… what’s wrong with you?” “And you are on twitter probation…”
Two strikes.
She has me scrubbing Jeffries tubes and checking plasma conduit.
The next infraction: Her finger is on the warp core jettison switch.
I am a bully. Working on a cure.
Keeping my hands away from rocks.
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