Only in Canada RCMP rant · Friday January 4, 2008 by colin newell
Would you like a breathalyzer with your fries Sir?
RCMP officers in Surrey are asking that very question as part of a new program designed to catch impaired drivers at late night drive-thru windows.
A plainclothes officer is stationed inside the restaurant near the drive-thru window while an officer in uniform waits outside.
The plainclothes officer takes a passive observer role inside the restaurant and looks for signs of impairment, such as slurred speech and the smell of stale liquor.
For the love of…
“We’ve gotten really good buy-in from the proprietors that we’ve dealt with,” said Sergeant Roger Morrow, spokesman for the RCMP’s Surrey detachment. “They’re really excited about it, they’re having fun with it.”
Buy-in? What the @&*! is Buy-in?
He said the program, titled Project WULF (an acronym for Would You Like Fries), has been used on three nights in recent weeks and has already caught two impaired drivers and doled out numerous roadside suspensions…
Do the whoppers and biggie-fries come with that suspension?
Why not go one better and station RCMP officers:
- in Bars
- in your living room
- at Airport arrival gates
- at every Tim Horton’s outlet
The RCMP have had a bad year (2007) tasering innocent people and putting bullets through the heads of people in custody… and I know how that can screw up an otherwise effective Walt Disney-esque public-relations campaign.
But this… I just do not know.
Year in review rant number 1 · Sunday December 23, 2007 by colin newell
2007 has been one heck of a year wouldn’t you say?
I, for one, have been quite comfortable… no disasters, no illness to speak of, steady employment, regular pay cheques, 3 square a day.
Not everyone has been so lucky. And trust me folks: Luck has everything to do with getting through the year without pain or crisis. When your luck turns, look out. No one can protect themselves against the furies.
Well. No one except for people like Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein who received a whopping 67.9 million in bonuses for being, well… a guy in the right place at the right time.
In the photo upper-right, CEO Blanfein relaxes after a hearty meal of investors
Somehow this company managed to avoid the bulk of the U.S. sub-prime mortgage crisis – a crisis that touched, no walloped the likes of Merrill-Lynch and Morgan-Stanley. Their respective CEOs did not earn a bonus this year.
And this is a perfect example of good luck. I mean, Lloyd Blankfein did absolutely nothing to warrant this kind of financial reward – his staff did. And guess what, his staff are getting no where near 67 million in rewards.
Truth is, as much as I support the free market system, this kind of reward system verges on the incomprehensively obscene. What of the million plus home-owners that will lose their homes this year because of the sub-prime mortgage scandal?
Sadly, versions of this story can be re-told from one community to the next in every small Canadian or American town; tales of inequality, unfairness and injustice – plain bad luck I guess.
In the last few days leading up to Christmas 2007, I hope your luck has been good, that your family and friends are healthy and that there is a roof over your head and food on the table.
In a society like the one we live in, sometimes it is all you can hope for.
It is tough being Santa · Wednesday December 5, 2007 by colin newell
Consider the life of the Red Elf in the year 2007.
Saint Nick’s white gloved hands are always visible and he buys liability insurance, for good measure. He never asks where children live and he has no political stripe.
The man in the red suit endures criminal background checks like everyone else… and if you are Santa, don’t even try to get on an Airplane in North American air space – his instincts for being pilot are simply too strong.
Today’s Santa is poked, prodded and shaped to fit the 21st century. It’s no longer enough to show up at the mall, laugh merrily and balance children on his lap.
In shopping malls across Canada, Santa Claus is watching his back. Todays Santa is politically ignorant… neutral. Santa does not curse and is always Holly Jolly.
One would hope if there’s anyone in this world you can trust, it’s Santa. In 2007, however, Santa is verified by Verisign, MasterCard, EBay and Visa first.
Liability insurance, underwritten from the North Pole, spares Santa from unwarranted litigious grief. And with the question… “Is there Lead in this train-set Santa?” Santa had better answer correctly!
Imagine: A child is walking by and trips – not even near you – and gets hurt – Santa is sued as an attractive nuisance.
Santa shares the same choreographer as Madonna: each word and hand movement is tightly regulated. Tricks of the trade are passed down from Santa to Santa at places like The International University of Santa Claus.
Curriculum includes how to hold children correctly, managing tough conversations and proper care of hair, beard and hygiene.
Santa must never, ever make promises he can’t keep.
But what of the average pre-teen or tween? I picture a 9 year old whose Blackberry incessantly rings during recess… In the guise of Santa I approach with the caution of a seasoned alligator wrestler.
Hello. Excuse me young person… I ask. “Uhm – I am currently skyping, podcasting and social networking here Mister!” as I ask a supervised question – teachers and parents look on… The blackberry chirps again… “Excuse me”, the youngster says… “I have to take this…”
But what of the children?
In my day, lead was an active and prominent ingredient in virtually every toy. And Santa was more like Hulk Hogan than Mister Rogers. Any 300 pound man in a frilly red suit was meant to be scary – it built character and caution into the young ones.
But what of the children?
Walmart rant #2 · Thursday November 29, 2007 by colin newell
Something wicked this way comes… and it’s arriving on our shores daily. And I blame you!
I have yet to blog much about China’s toxic waste exportation
program…
But.
I blame North Americans generally for their unceasing bleat
for “lower prices”.
Enter Walmart and their ilk – more than willing to help out
The main reason we see all this crap over here (from over there…)
is that we insist on 99 cent everything for our households.
So why are we surprised that Chinese-made, Walmart’s in-house Colgate Toothpaste contains anti-freeze?
Or that Chinese cat-food, Feline-Nibbles, contains, well, Puss…
and Boots!
And all those action-figures, plush-toys, duct-tape and roof repair gauze that contain a toxic buffet of industrial waste?
Hey. Our lowest price is your guarantee!
So. Todays headline is about Asbestos found in, of all things, the CSI Fingerprint kit… made in China and containing 5% asbestos.
And if you Google CSI Fingerprint kit right now, you will be amazed where you can still buy it… heat-resistant and all!
