Roll up the rim to win in Afghanistan · Thursday March 27, 2008 by colin newell
It is said that you cannot fully appreciate a great cup of coffee if you have never had one – or have been relegated to drinking super-store pre-ground and tinned brown vermiculite… like Folgers.
The same can be said for a great doughnut – and I will wager dollars for, well, you know… that if you have ever had one, you would remember it.
Kind of like your first kiss. When it’s good, it’s really good… and you never forget.
A few years back, Krispy Kreme arrived on our shores – if only briefly. It seemed likely that they would make inroads north of 49… but they didn’t. Thanks to the likes of Tim Horton’s.
And this is not to say that Krispy Kreme is great – because they are not. They are fresh – and like coffee, fresh is very important… whether it’s a cup of joe or a deep fried doughy nugget.
For Canadians, Tim Horton’s is as much a part of our consciousness as hockey, maple syrup, fresh air and wide open spaces.
Except Tim’s is not as good as it once was – and to deny this is an act of unbridled, unpatriotic and truly Un-Canadian self deception.
There was a time when the doughnuts were prepared fresh from fresh ingredients… and darn it, it makes a difference. And yes, I know they make up their sandwiches fresh from fresh ingredients… not sure about the quality of their breads – but that is nitpicking.
And in the last couple of years, they have taken this unholy artifice to battle weary Afghanistan. My god. Tim’s in Afghanistan. This is what Canada’s international role has been reduced to – clogging the arteries of our soldiers no less… and our allies.
Wouldn’t it make more sense to give these puck sized weapons away to the Taliban?
I know. Bad idea. They would hate us even more than they do now.
A few facts about Tim’s outcropping in Khandahar:
The doughs, icings and cremes used in this abbreviated menu of cookies, bagels and 12 kinds of doughnuts, as well as the coffees served in Afghanistan were deployed about 45 days earlier from a plant in Kingston, Ontario – The same depot that also supplies Tim’s franchises across Ontario and Canada.
They also exported the favored Canuck sport of rim-rolling to the dusty plains of Afghanistan. Except the prizes are slightly different…
They include camouflage Tim Horton’s ball caps, GPS global positioning devices and five grand prizes of $1,000.
What, no boots, bullets or sun-block?
As much as I support what Canadians do best:
Exporting peace, good will and maple syrup… and yes, putting on a uniform, climbing on a transport and flying to a hostile place half a World away and getting behind the cause of democracy – do our enlisted men and women not deserve better?
A quick scan through Google reveals that Tim Horton’s cuisine was the most anticipated perk to arrive in advance of best wishes from loved ones at home… so perhaps I am the one off the mark.
Comment [2]
Canadians and Americans - the differences #1 · Wednesday March 26, 2008 by colin newell
Working on a University campus, I am exposed to people from all around the World – and although the visible minorities are, well, more visible… some of the more surprising variations in personalities that I encounter are between my fellow Canadians and Americans…
And I watch a lot of American television and listen to American radio.
And no, I am not saying that Americans are bad and Canadians are good.
I am observing that there are some interesting differences… that in the year 2008 surprise and amuse me.
Example: I was watching a news report on a tornado that had just struck Atlanta, Georgia. You can imagine the chaos… and the obvious damage; overturned cars, shredded trailer parks, malls with their roofs missing.
And yet the stern looking newscaster on FOX assured the viewers that the event was not likely the product of a terrorist attack… and to be diligent… and on guard.
Difference: In Canada we blame La Nina for the snow in March. In the U.S.A. they blame Al-qaeda for cyclonic micro-bursts.
Example: In a hurricane ravaged New Orleans (still undergoing repair), Southern Baptist mullahs blame flagrant homosexuality for God’s wrath unfurling Katrina.
Difference: In Canada we middle-aged men blame gay men for showing us up in the fashion department. There was a time when I was in my 20’s and my 30’s that I thought I was pretty GQ. Not anymore. A Canadian heterosexual man cannot be in his 40’s and on top of the fashion game. So I am not crying about it.
In the U.S.A. people carry hand-guns for protection from each other. In Canada we carry rifles to catch dinner. Subtle difference.
In the U.S.A. drug addiction is a crime and helps fill the U.S. Prison system to overflowing – there are over 2 million Americans in jail… staggering.
In Canada drug addiction, like Alcohol abuse, is a sickness and is treated accordingly. Our prisons are generally well stocked with violent criminals and almost-successful White collar miscreants… businessmen gone bad.
In Canada we celebrate differentiation and multiculturalism. In the U.S.A. the government insists on integration; speak English or go home…
and yet in all my travels around America, I have yet to find an American.
I was in a room full of Americans in Los Angeles one afternoon (and what a horrible place that is!) and they kept referring to each other as The Vietnamese guy, the Italian Guy, the Portuguese guy and so on. Not one Yank to be found.
In Canada, everyone is a Canadian. And we speak all languages.
Subtle differences. Yet profound.
Mother Nature is your friend · Tuesday March 25, 2008 by colin newell
With Easter comes the tradition of visiting Tofino, British Columbia and the Middle Beach Lodge. And with this adventure comes the risk of strong weather…
Picture at left – A six foot two Blogger stands in a fresh fall of snow… in Spring
And not the kind of strong weather we associate with a mid-March West Coast; lashing waves, wicked winds, driving rains that feel like tornado driven acupuncture needles…
But winter weather; snow, sleet and horizontal hail the size of rosary beads… less forgiving as well.
But this is Spring – albeit early Spring. And the fact that Easter is at an unusually early juncture for this year; March the 23rd… and apparently it has not been this early since 1066 or something. The next time Easter will be this early will be in the year 2030… and hopefully by then I will be piloting a Hover-Honda between Victoria and Tofino…
Because this year, our little Honda Civic was a little life saver on the winding stretch between the West Coast and civilization. It was snowing. A lot.
Between the Tofino-Ucluelet junction at the Pacific Rim highway and Sutton Pass some 1400 feet above Sea Level and 25km from Port Alberni – this neck of the woods can be mighty unpredictable this time of year. And so it was.
Our little Honda sedan cruised confidently through a moderate snowfall, somewhat effortlessly, up to the summit – by which time there were 4’ snow drifts on the sides of the road (about 1’ of fresh powder) and maybe 1/2” of snow on the highway.
With the Honda wearing a fairly healthy pair of All Season Radials (read SUMMER TIRES), it is risky business to attempt this kind of hill climb. But we did it.
And it wasn’t blind driving. Oh no. I was watching the oncoming traffic for signs of a more intense conflagration… i.e. bloated snowmen mobiles… but this was not the case. The cars coming towards us were dusted lightly. So we pushed on and we were rewarded with clearing skies as we passed over the peak.
We arrived in Port Alberni within 45 minutes of the alpine experience and decompressed at Tim Horton’s with Maple dips, black coffee and some much maligned roll-up cups
The rest of the trip was uneventful except, ironically, for one mini-van driving bonehead that we encountered on the approach to the Langford turn-off (near the proposed Spencer exchange and Thetis Lake) who was dodging between lanes and cutting off drivers more unpredictably than a pin ball. He cut in front of us so close and so swiftly as to cause a minor shock wave as he blocked the wind in our path.
This is why people kill each other on our highways.
Anyway – it was a wonderfully romantic weekend at Tofino. We re-experienced the joys of married life – communing with other romantics, people watching, weather watching… and hoping for safe travel in the future.
Aeroplan Rant #2 · Sunday March 16, 2008 by colin newell
I have been having a series of e-mail conversations with Canadians.
They start thusly:
I hate Air Canada and Aeroplan and I want you to help me get them
Oh, if it were only that easy. I mean, I am just a Canadian writer – and not a very good one at that. This blog relies on the overflow from some of my other more popular projects. You know what they say: If not for the grace of the internet as a whole, the bulk of us want-to-be writers would toil away in obscurity – where, by the way, most of us belong.
And thanks to the creative powers of the Internet, when you type Olympic Rant or Gas Pump Rant or Spotted Owl rant, I am right there near the top of the pack…
Lucky me… Lucky you…
However. Today, the spotted owl came home to roost.
And behind those sinister spotted owl eyes were two very evil Air Canada pilots… and if you looked really closely, those pilots are actually Air Canada and Aeroplan senior executives. Damn them. Damn them straight back to Toronto where they probably live in mindless wealth… somewhere in Forest Hill no doubt… right beside CTV anchorperson Lloyd Robertson (who is a nice guy after all…)
Digression concluded.
Anyhow – up and until several months ago, I had over 60,000 Aeroplan points… Until a few days ago, that is, after 365 days had passed since I had made my last Aeroplan purchase.
And now I have none.
14 years of travel with my wife… back and forth across North America and to Hawaii – well over 100,000 miles… and I have been reduced to this: ZERO POINTS – because I did not fly anywhere in the last 12 months.
Air Canada. Aeroplan. I hate you evil greedy-gut bastards!
On the humorous side of this, my wife wryly offered:
You must have seen this coming… you read your mail don`t you?
She has a point, god bless her.
I suck too.
Rant back! [1]
An evening with Maher, Monia and Dr. Stephen J. Toope · Tuesday March 11, 2008 by colin newell
My wife and I attended tonights President’s Distinguished Lecture: “Civil Liberties and National Security:” a panel discussion with Maher Arar, his wife Dr. Monia Mazigh and Dr. Stephen Toope, moderated by Dr. Andrew Petter of the Faculty of Law.
I will assume my readers know who Maher Arar is. Follow the link for specifics.
Long story short: Maher was vacationing with his wife, Monia, in Tunis and upon returning to Canada to work, was detained in New York by the U.S. Government and then flown in a private jet to Jordan and then to Syria for rendition and torture. He was kept in the most notorious prison in Syria where he was tortured regularly until his release to Canada almost a year later.
A subsequent (and thorough) Canadian investigation cleared Maher Arar of any wrong-doing, and for the Canadian goverments part in his experience compensated him and his family for his nightmare.
The United States government, however, refuses to clear Arar’s name and continues to have both him and his family on a watch-list.
In listening to Maher and Monia’s story tonight, I have been given a sense of hope – that a handful of clear thinking and genuinely honest people can make a difference – that we not rush to sacrifice our freedoms to gain some sense of security in an obviously upside-down World – that torture, rendition, or disappearance is not an acceptable tool in achieving this sense of security.
It was a honor to be in the same room as Monia and Maher. UBC Presidents Dr. Toope’s contribution to the proceedings were at all times stimulating and illuminating and moderator Dr. Andrew Petter maintained order and regulated a flow of intelligent questions from the audience.
