Spring into reflection - pet ownership days gone by · Friday May 15, 2009 by colin newell
Has it been 30 years since I had pets? You know. Come to think of it. Yes.
When I was a kid, I had 3 pets; 2 dogs and a cat.
A black lab. A West highland white terrier. And a street cat.
And like most pets, they were telepathic. But not very good at hiding their superior mental powers.
For instance.
The two dogs would often look at each other. One would raise an eye brow. One would nod. The other would look at its paw. The other, one more nod. And they would both leave the house together… and appear back in time for kibbles.
The cat was in a bit of a pickle, canine relationship wise. It got along famously with the terrier… but not the lab.
The terrier would hang out with the cat, occasionally gesturing and nodding.
Until the lab would show up.
And then the terrier would give the cat an apologetic look – and according to telepathic intercepts that went something like this…
Terrier: Uhm. Dude. Sorry. The lab. Is. One of my kind. And. I need. To chase. You.
Cat: Same as last time?
Terrier: Yea. I. Chase you. I will hold back. You run faster. If you run into a corner. And I catch you. You take a swipe at my nose. And hiss. Make it look good. You go left. I go right. Got it?
Cat. Left. Then right. Hiss. Yea. I think so.
The lab was not so good at reading the cats mind.
More than once it missed the escape cues and ended up with a bloody nose.
I can still hear the cat thinking… “Lab. I am going to swing at you NOW. You pull back. You might get grazed. No blood. Good luck.”
The lab did not like cats much… and did not like the mental interaction. And generally did not listen to what the cat was thinking… so blood generally.
I made a promise as I buried my last pet: Never again.
And I kept that promise. But sometimes, I miss the interaction between domesticated animals.
In the year 2009, I have human interaction and technology – neither of which is 1/2 as interesting as pets. So. If you have a pet that is alive and well. Give it a gentle hug. And remember. If you cannot read its mind, remember this.
It’s reading yours.
Spring into long weekend gas price gouging on Vancouver Island · Thursday May 14, 2009 by colin newell
Synchronized gas price increases on a Canadian long weekend – As reliable as gravity. They come like sunrise. And Spring showers.
And this weekend is no exception.
Every gas station on Southern Vancouver Island raised their prices within minutes of each other – from about 102.9 to 106.9. Snap. Just like that.
But how does this work?
We asked a master mechanic and long time employee at a local Petro-can station.
“Gas prices in Victoria are set automatically… by a supplier in Vancouver. On a system called Viper. It is an auto-dialer. Electronic. Every gas station gets the exact phone call at the exact same time… regardless of the levels in their tanks. This is the way it has been on South Island as long as he can remember. “
They raise the prices. We get screwed. Rinse and repeat.
Petro-can employee continues…
“Tri-mac is the trucking company that delivers the gas… but it is one supplier in Vancouver… at the terminal… that calls the shot. Price fixing? Sure it is. But there is no one in government (or the media) with big enough stones to tackle the problem.”
Free market system at work I guess. More of a racket as I see it.
Anyway. The upside for me? I drive less. Or maybe a bit slower. And smell the roses… if and when they bloom.
With a little imagination we can give the finger to big oil. Boycott one station or another. Pay in buckets of pennies. Walk more. Take the bike. Car pool. Or give up your car entirely if you can.
I did not actually own my first car until I was 40. And I had my license when I was 19. That was my way of sticking it to the man. Nowadays, I actually need a vehicle – with aging parents and all… and actually wanting to live a little.
So. We live with it. Begrudgingly.
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Spring into lethargy - with an anti-energy slow cow beverage · Wednesday May 6, 2009 by colin newell
Quebec resident, Lino Fleury is hoping to chill out the Planet, one can at a time.
He has created what is dubbed the anti-energy drink.
On appearances, Slow Cow is packaged like the popular Red Bull energy drink, but it has the opposite effect.
Lino claims – “It’s a balm that soothes people and takes the edge off stress.”
I thought that was what beer was for?
Fleury and his team spent a year and a half dreaming up Slow Cow. The drink contains a slumber inducing pillow of natural ingredients; camomile, passion flower and valerian.
Personally, I think the World is ready for a line of Lethargy beverages as I call them. I mean, the World is moving way too fast.
Meantime. the makers of Red-Bull, the caffeine infused jet fuel marketed to college age kids, do not see the humor nor the efficacy of such a product and have filed notice through their legal team.
Maybe they need to chill out.
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Spring into knee jerk reactions - 2009 - the swine flu - epilogue · Tuesday May 5, 2009 by colin newell
Like me, you are probably shaking your head so violently now – that your neck hurts… and your nose runs. You are stressed out.
Could it be? No. Can’t be. Not me.
Despite the fact that swine flu has claimed just one victim all week, a mortality rate many times lower than the common flu, governments of the world are acting as if end of times is right around the corner.
The World Health Organization calls a virus that has felled a confirmed 12 people in over a week a “threat to humanity” and talk of martial law, obligatory vaccinations and quarantines runs amok.
Granted, some of the hoopla is being serviced by people inundating hospitals and doctor’s offices who have complaints like the common cold, but who just want to “make sure” they don’t have swine flu… Or want a day off work.
These incidents are immediately treated as “suspected swine flu cases” by the media and the “I told you so’s” spread faster than antacid at a Texas chili cook-off.
And while media headlines and government wonks opine about a potential pandemic and hundreds of thousands, millions of thousands, dozens of billions of fatalities, actual medical reports from real doctors (like you and I) report no cases and no symptoms… generally.
Meantime, the WHO (the health care equivalent of the IOC and as reputable by half!) reports that the virus is spreading far worse than officially recognized.
Reality check again. Today a Coke or Pepsi machine will kill another innocent – and I will continue to shake my head.
